MH Vol. 2, No. 3

Massage Humor

Newslewtter of the Twerpwyck University College of Innovative Massage

Vol. 2, No.3                                       ISSN 1041-827X                                   September 2000



Albert Schatz and Mary Brewster

Satire (is) a form of writing in which the message is serious and the method is humor.

Laurence Peter, author of The Peter Principle

The medical model is now widely recognized as the most important advance in the history of massage, far outshining the major contribution of the illustrious Peter Ling (1776-1839). Because of the medical model, scientific knowledge of massage has been growing at such an exponentially accelerating rate that massage therapists are unable to keep abreast of developments. For this reason, we are reviewing a  super-important publication by Dr. Carlyle Clyde P. Wippernagel, Jr, We shall refer to him as Wippie because that is what he prefers to be called. 

Wippie is Professor of Massage Medical Modelology at the Twerpwyck University College of Innovative Massage. He is the only one with a Ph.D. in Petrissage, and is a world authority on the physiology and psychology of tickling. He is a consultant to the National Association of Massage Schools Promoting State Regulation (NAMSPSR).

Wippie's article

The medical model will benefit the public by protecting people from harm by incompetent massage therapists  - appeared in the International Journal of Massage Medical Modelology 4(2):231-239. July/August 2000. Wippie's research (originally designed to evaluate how reliably clients evaluate the hands-on competence of massage therapists, was supported by a grant from the National Massage Business/Industry Association (NMB/IA) which created the medical model.


Wippie's research is a gem in the scintillating asterism of massage. The research was conducted with two groups of massage therapists,  each of which consisted of 50 practitioners (16 men and 34 women)  ranging from 27 to 34 years of age. They had all given at least 15 massages a week for the last two years and were selected at random. 

The 50 massage therapists in Group A were from states which do not regulate massage. They were self-taught or had training ranging from 10 hours to 100 hours. None of them qualified to take the  National Client Licensure Examination (NCLE).

The 50 massage therapists in Group B were from states which regulate massage. They all graduated from schools accredited by the Commission for Excellence in Massage Training (CEMT), and had scores ranging from 87-94 on the National Licensure Examination.  They had all been doing massage for at least four years.

The test subjects were 50 clients (11 men and 39 women) aged 26-56, selected at random, who had previously received 10 or more massages from at least two massage therapists during the previous two to three years. The subjects were not given any information about the background and experience of the massage therapists. They therefore did not know there were two groups of massage therapists. Each subject received one massage from each massage therapist in Groups A and B, and filled out an evaluation form (for hands-on competence of the massage therapist) immediately after each massage. The evaluation was designed and conducted by the consulting firm Medical Model Massage Business Research, Ltd..



Group A

Group B







Very Good




















Importance of the research

1. Wippie says the evaluations clearly reveal that the public is obviously unable to tell the difference between competent and incompetent massage therapists.

2. Although none of the subjects were harmed, Wippie believes the research clearly reveals that clients are subject to a high risk of harm precisely because they are unable to distinguish between competent and incompetent massage therapists.

3. Wippie concludes that state regulation does not protect the public from harm by incompetent massage therapists. The public will be adequately protected, he says, only by fully implementing the medical model. This means  requiring all clients to be state-licensed.

State licensure of clients

Wippie is convinced that the professional level of clients will be raised by state licensure with appropriate educational requirements. These include a minimum one-year 1000-hour client training at a state-accredited massage school, a passing score on the National Client Licensure Examination (NCLE) to be taken annually, and 15 Continuing Client  Education (CCE) credits in workshops, seminars, conferences, etc. approved by the  National Association for Client Continuing Education (NACCE)

$$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$

Wippie guarantees that state licensure for clients will be a bonanza for the massage industry which will be transformed from a multimillion dollar business into a multibillion dollar MEGABUSINESS. Massage schools will have many more students paying to be Licensed Clients than students paying to learn how to be massage therapists. The gross and net income of massage schools will blast off (like a rocket from Cape Canaveral) and will reach undreamed of economic heights.

Testing agencies will be grinding out licensing National Client Licensure Examinations for massage clients at an exponential rate, and will be getting paid by many more clients than massage therapists. Agencies in the continuing education game will offer an  infinitude of workshops, seminars, meetings, conferences, lectures and what rot (That should be whatnot.) for continuing education credits.

State regulatory agencies will be collecting considerably more fees for licensing many more clients than the massage therapists they regulate. All Licensed Clients will, of course, be required to purchase Professional Liability Insurance from the same insurance companies which run the MASSAGE HMOs (to be discussed). This insurance will protect clients from claims that they harmed their massage therapists

Colleges that now have undergraduate, one-semester courses in massage will offer advanced courses and programs of study leading to B.A., M.S., and Ph.D. degrees in CLIENTOLOGY  with majors in the history, philosophy, sociology, economics, ergonomics, psychology, psychometry, psycho-somatology, business  administration, etc. in CLIENTOLOGY. Wippie believes all this $$$$ activity will be a major contribution to the Gross National Income.  

The future

The full implementation of the medical model will be the final step in the corporatization of massage therapists. Massage, like medicine, will finally be a full-blown, impersonal, dehumanized business.

We can now clearly see the future when, Wippie says, all massage therapists will be HMOgenized and working for MASSAGE HMOs; that is, Health Massage Organizations - run for profit, just like doctors now work for cost-care HMOs run by insurance companies for profit. Wippie concludes:-

1. The major impact of the medical model  is that  it will enable massage therapists to   finally achieve their long-sought professional equality with  doctors.

2. Massage therapists and doctors will both be working to maximize the profits of their respective cost-care HMOs.



The National Massage Business/Industry Association (NMB/IA), which created the medical model, is grateful to those devoted individuals who relentlessly gave of themselves to promote state regulation, without which the medical modelization  would not have been possible. Their efforts are all the more commendable because of the stubborn opposition they continually encountered from well-meaning people who were sincere, but had no vision, and naively wanted the massage profession to remain a personal service.

[Home] [Massage Law] [Journal ] [Special Issues] [Bios] [Spiritual Massage] [Massage Humor]